Dublin Literary Award For Young Malaysians 2012 - Becareful What You Wish For

So this is one of the stories I wrote last year for IDLA 2012 so just thought I'd share it on my blog now. Anyone's who reading this, your feedback is much appreciated ! :)

Be Careful What You Wish For

“Can I sit here?’ a familiar voice asked. I looked up, only to find Edna Yuan, the girl I hated the most, smirking at me with the creepiest smile. “Actually I don’t even need your permission!” she suddenly said and quickly hurled her bag onto the seat next to me. “Mind it Edna!” I retorted, already annoyed with her horrid personality of bossing people around, always thinking that she’s the best. Edna was the school’s top runner and has been to nationals five times since 2007. Sadly, her attitude was never as excellent as her achievements. She had this bossy character everyone despised and has never hung out with the minorities in school, not even the national math champion. But somehow she loves clinging on to me, not because she liked me but because her main objective in life besides being an Olympian some day was to make mine a living hell.

We quarreled almost every day, and probably almost all the time. She was a frustrating person to deal with and to have her blabber to me about stuff I couldn't even be bothered about every single moment, it just gives me this pumped up idea to stuff her mouth full with cotton and tape it so hard, she’ll never talk to me again. But I was a sensible person and doing that would not solve the crap I was in with her. So, there goes another brilliant idea of mine down the drain.

But the patience I had did not last long. It was probably the dumbest thing I have ever resorted to and I still regret it until today. Like usual, Edna was busy trying to infuriate me with her irrational stories about why I would never make it through college. My heart boiling, I decided to walk away, ignoring the things she said and not let them burn me inside. But Edna trailed behind, yelling funny names at me from afar while giggling at some of it as she increased her pace behind me. And that was when things went wrong. I turned around, with the mere intentions of only shouting at her back but my head did something else. I pushed her and there she went rolling down the stairs. It was unintentional but it was too late. Edna laid there unconscious, her forehead bleeding. I panicked and I didn’t know what to do. For once, all the vindictive wishes I’ve always had about wanting Edna to die started crawling back into my head, and it scared the living hell out of me. I ran down, carried Edna up and quickly called out for help. Fortunately, a few teachers were passing by our area and they panicked at the sight of Edna unconscious and asked how it happened. Standing there at that moment, I knew I could have just lied to them and hoped that Edna had a brain damage so that she won’t bust my covers when she woke up but I knew it was a wrong thing to do if I hadn’t come out clear to them about what really happened. So I did and they nagged me and threatened to expel me and call my parents, but to be honest, at that moment, I wasn’t worried at all. It was Edna I was more concerned about. If anything had happened to her, I would never forgive myself. And that feeling struck me for the first time. You know, caring for Edna hoping that she was alright. And that was when everything changed.

Days passed as I waited patiently in school every day for Edna, hoping that she would forgive me .And it was the last day of the third week when she finally showed up but she was different. “Edna?” I spoke out. “I’m sorry”. She kept silent, her eyes staring out of the window. “It was a joke” she said slowly. “It was a joke, Calvin” she repeated, eyes already tearing. And then, she just broke down, there and then. I got on my knees, trying to make an eye contact with her.” Don’t touch me!” she yelled when I tried holding her hands.”I can’t run anymore” she continued in between sobs. Indeed she was right. With a fractured leg like that, there is no way she would be able to run this year. And not running this year would only mean that she would never make the cut for the national team next year, thus ruining her dreams of becoming a runner in the juniors Olympics in two years time. “I’ll fix this” I whispered, heart filled with ever-growing guilt. “Forgive me please” I pleaded. “I’ll help you through this, and I’ll never leave you alone” I assured her. Edna looked up at me, her eyes seemed so sad. Then gently I hugged her, and I hugged her tight. “It’s a promise” I whispered into her ears.

Edna and I pulled through high school and we both managed to nail the exams with excellent results after many days of studying and revision. One year after that, Edna left Malaysia to pursue a medical degree in Ireland while I did mine in Malaysia. Before she left, she promised that she would come back to see me, and if things worked out, we could work things out between us. But things didn't turn out as expected. We lost contact, and no matter how hard I tried getting in touch with her, I just couldn't get through. And that was when I thought she had lied to me. Feeling dejected, I cursed myself for buying her stories, for letting her to deceive me in such a way that I thought it was all true. Angry and dejected, I wished and kept on wishing that she would never come back because her return after so many years without a single call would only spur my anger and I was afraid of the things that I would say that might hurt her.

But it was nothing like that.

 Edna had passed away. 2 years after she left Malaysia due to leukemia. She didn’t want anybody to know. When I first heard the news after nearly convincing myself she had moved on without me, my soul was basically crushed. I never expected all the stupid wishes that I’ve made about not wanting her to come back would actually come true, this way. And it has never stopped bothering me.

It has been 12 years now since Edna’s departure and no matter how hard I try, moving on from this phase of my life will never be easy. And to be here right now as a successful pediatrician in Sydney, Edna’s definitely the person to thank for. After all, it was her determination that has lifted me up, her words of encouragement that has pushed me ahead and of course it was the love that she had for me that has always kept me going. And though karma is not something I believe in, I've definitely learn to be more careful for what I wish for. Edna’s story was a lesson, and hopefully it would be the only one. Rest in peace, Edna.

 (1,196 words)

Take care.